Solutions

So I'm reading this book called The Explosive Child and it basically explains that kids with delays or disorders sometimes do not develop the skills to think through frustrating situations and come up with solutions on their own. They hit a roadblock and instead of thinking rationally they literally can't see any way out of it, which scares them and makes them angry so then they freak out. I always knew that Darcy couldn't understand reasoning or bribery or threats (despite my repeated use of all three), but I didn't know how to deal with it. According to this guy, approaching these types of kids with the same approach as a normal kid (ignoring the tantrum or punishing it) is completely ineffective (as I have found) b/c it is not dealing with the fundamental problem of teaching them to identify their problems and think through potential solutions.

All this to say that SOLUTIONS has been a big word in our house lately. Here's how it went yesterday. Gwen and Darcy were fighting over a doll. It was Gwen's turn to play with it but Darcy was FREAKING out screaming that she only loves that doll, she hates all her other dolls, etc.

Me: I can see that you are frustrated, but its time to eat lunch anyway, so why don't we go make a peanut butter and jelly?
Darcy, who loves to eat, but is still crying: Mommy, I'm thinking about a peanut butter and jelly b/c peanut butter and jellies make me happy. Is that a good solution?
Me, laughing: Yes! It is, I am so proud of you!

A few minutes later at the table, Gwen is happily playing with the doll and I hand her a plate of her soy chicken nuggets that she loves. She lets go of the doll for literally a second and Darcy, out of nowhere, snags the doll!

Gwen, freaking out: MOM! Darcy stole the doll and its still my turn!!!!!
Darcy: Now YOU need to think of a solution Gennie! I don't WANT to think of solutions anymore! Maybe you can think about chicken nuggets? Do chicken nuggets make you happy Gennie?

It didn't work out how it was supposed to, but I'm claiming it as a victory because at least it shows that the concept is starting to sink in!